Evenson ponders “If I Ever Feel Better”
Evenson ponders “If I Ever Feel Better”
Last we heard of Evenson, he had just released his fantastic Lungs music video, which we precisely called “a beautiful encapsulation of everything that makes Evenson so great, it is atypical in every regard but not weird for the heck of it.“. And at that time it felt like a winning blueprint for him to work from, but how does his newest music video stack up to that?
“If I Ever Feel Better” is an equally hearty serving of the same delicious pie as “Lungs”, and it’s not just because its title is in all caps. This song is a crystalized moment of earnest vulnerability wherein complex inner chaos is laid bare without any real angst. In many ways, the lyrics feel like a sigh of relief, like a burden being put down.
“These days, you don’t often see a black artist so open to speaking about emotions and mental health. One of my missions is to change that; to make it acceptable for a black man to be fully present in his vulnerability and sensitivity.” – Evenson
The Pop/Soul hybrid sound of Evenson lends itself well to a pensive disposition on our part, but then there’s that upbeat rhythmic foundation that counterbalances some of the moodier aspects of his lyrics (quite an important aspect) and it invites you to -at the very least- tap your feet along to the beat. “If I Ever Feel Better” then comes off as an emotionally-rich piece that exists between two feelings: Something wistful and a twang of hopeful optimism. That subtle duality exists within the song’s ‘raison d’etre’ as it is about expressing sorrow in ending a relationship while simultaneously welcoming the motives and the future that such a difficult choice entails; Evenson explains:
“This is my first time reflecting on a significant relationship that I ended to pursue music. I’ve set out to examine my actions, and what I could have done better. In truth, I wasn’t fully mentally stable during that time. Would I still make the decision looking back in time? Would I still leave her, or would I stay? I needed to write this song to fully open the next chapter of my life. It was difficult to ponder my wrongdoings. The great thing is that I have a yearning to be better.”
If the visual language and overall aesthetic mood of this music video seem familiar, then it’s because Jacob Rodier is still working with Evenson on what feels like a genuine chemistry between the two. They’ve worked together on -that I know of- four different occasions, and each time it feels like Rodier has perfectly understood what these sounds should “look like” on film, a perfect understanding between both artists is happening before our very eyes here.
Rodier’s work with Evenson always seems to have some touch of surrealism to it, this time around manifested in the various copies of Evenson that populate many of the shots. Perhaps they mean to imply the man himself is pondering the many facets of a tough call, or perhaps the harsh realization that sometimes you yourself is all the company you’re going to get in uncertain times.